Peter gives me homework some times, which I almost always hate. I'm very resentful in a petulant, immature way, because the homework makes me think about things I don't necessarily want to think about. Sigh. But I make myself do it anyway because I'm invariably a good little student and don't want to disappoint him.
At any rate, I had 4 assignments this week. Yes, I know! What a demanding ass. 'Cause I'm so busy job hunting (or avoiding job hunting) and reading Craigslist and taking long walks in the woods and everything else that fills my very, very full days...
My Assignments
1. Write my intentions for 2008
2. Do a "Yeah, but" exercise about writing
3. Interview the fear (of writing)
4. List things I want to / can write about
I got totally stopped by the second one and cannot do the 3rd & 4th right now. Instead of "releasing" me in some way, the second one just stopped me cold. So, for some reason, I feel compelled to share the results here for the record. Maybe so I don't lose it?
In this exercise, you are supposed to write some strong, simple declarative sentence about yourself or something you want to do and then write "yeah, but" and try to identify all the ways in which you are resistant or blocking yourself. Here's mine:
I want to write
Yeah, but......
- I can't make a living as a writer
- I'm not good enough - I don't have any talent
- All of my writing is trite and cliched
- No one will want to read my writing
- It's just too hard and exhausting
- I'm boring
- I have nothing of interest to say
- I can never finish anything
- Some things I write may hurt people I care about
- I'm not disciplined enough
- If I were truly a writer, I should be more compelled to write and should have been writing all these years
- If I get a job to support myself (which I really, really need to do), I won't have the time or the energy to write
- I'm too private and don't want to expose myself emotionally so I can't write anything GOOD
- Writers (and other artists and creative people) are essentially selfish people, which I don't want to be
- I am not brave enough
- Only award-winning "high" literature will do. If I can't win the Pulitzer or the Booker or the National Book Award, what's the point? Travel writing, romance novels, science fiction, erotica, essays, blogs, etc. are all not good enough.
That's all for now. Maybe I'll add more later. But for what it's worth, here it is for the record.
2 comments:
Susan, I am going to respond to your 'but' list with a 'but what about...' list in response. Tell me if you never want me to respond again. This time, I just had to:
You don't have to make a living as a writer - what about making a living so that you can be a writer?
What about all the great responses you have gotten from perfect strangers on your excellent writing in all forms?
Who defines trite, anyway?
I want to read your writing.
Anything worth having is worth working for.
No one is really boring...they are just undiscovered or uninspired. You are certainly not boring!
There is a lot of crap out there... even if what you write isn't read by the masses, couldn't it mean a lot to a select few important people whose opinions you care about? Do you really care whether Paris Hilton reads your writing?
Go ahead, hurt us...we can take it. If it's the price of you living to your potential, I hereby give you permission to tear me and anyone else to shreds if it's what you need to do. I will still love you.
No great writer writes all the time and loves every minute of it. Why are there so many books about how to get off your sorry ass and write? They are written by writers, for writers...there's a theme here, I'm sure!
You have as much time each day as anyone else. You will choose to spend it on what is most important to you.
You're lying to yourself...you're not that private, and I think you secretly (and not so secretly) WANT to expose yourself. You're just afraid of the reaction you'll get if you reveal the real you!
All people are selfish to some degree. And thank God. Or people like you and me would walk all over all of their sorry asses.
You are brave enough - you have already taken the first step.
If you bring forth what is within you, it will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, it will kill you.
The Gospel of Thomas
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