More on Silliness

Here I am dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld at Sulli's 5th birthday party this weekend. I look eight months pregnant in that shirt, don't I? It makes me wonder again if I should have had children. It's true that being around children (and dogs and cats and my sister and my brother) make me more apt to be a goof.

If I had had children, would I be more likely to laugh every day?

Well, that's just an impossible question, isn't it?

Meg is right, that I probably do laugh & play more than I think I do. But it's hard not to think of those very long stretches of time alone in my apartment doing whatever it is I do, when I'm almost never laughing or even smiling. Sewing my stupid monster has made me smile more than normal. Speaking of which, I haven't been waking up at 3am since I started sewing, hmmmmmm. In fact, I've been sleeping very deeply - so deeply that I wake up almost disoriented.

Last night, I watched a very funny romantic comedy on TV that turned out to be also very sexy. I sewed while I was watching and snacked on about a half a box of Cracklin' Oat Bran cereal. So, this morning I woke up vaguely disoriented, horny, constipated, and my fingertips hurt. The fast and full life of a single woman in the city, right?

I continue to find it hard to give myself permission to have fun and play when I don't have a job. As I'm sitting here typing, there's a pretty loud voice in my head telling me I should be working on finding a job right this very second. In fact, I should be working diligently at finding a job pretty much every second of every day and all these other activities, like writing and walking and whatnot, need to stop right now, missy! And the fact that I'm sitting here right now writing this and spent several minutes this weekend dancing with a bunch of little kids is just further proof that I lack focus and discipline.

Well, fuck that! I think I can spare, say, two hours every day to do something fun that makes me happy. Ouch, but my two hours is up for today, so yeah, I'm going to stop this now and get on to the serious stuff 'cause I really, really, really need a job!

Later.