I've been running this phrase around in my head the last couple of days because I like the way it sounds. And I think I need to just laugh more because I can. I don't think I've been laughing enough. Not just recently, but for a long, long time. I'd like to giggle more. I'd like to laugh so hard at some silly thing that I can't stop and my eyes tear and I pee my pants a little. I'd like to be more silly in general in a child-like way. I'd like to play more. From the outside maybe it looks like I've been playing for the last five years, but I soooooo have not been playing at all. Whatever it is I've been doing during this time has been very little fun and certainly not playful.
So, send me some stupid jokes people and I'll promise I'll laugh no matter what, just because I can!
If you look at it one way, I've sort of been playing this week. In the creative sense. No, I haven't posted in the last couple of days, but I have been writing for an hour every morning, and then job hunting stuff for an hour or more (which is totally not play). I've been walking, eating, and sleeping. I haven't given up any of my regular activities for my current project. Well, except for napping, which is a sacrifice, but anything in the name of art, right?
What I have been doing is sewing. Yes, you heard me, I said SEWING! I don't know why I get this bug up my ass to sew every couple of years, especially since I'm so bad at it. And don't particularly enjoy it. And it always gives me that going up the roller coaster feeling -- "Shit, shit shit. Why am I doing this again?"
Like that year around December 10 when I decided to make Christmas stockings for every member of my staff with their name sewn on with ribbon. Something like 12 stockings needed to be done in 8 days for the office party. Now that was a stupid idea!
What I've been working on this week is not stupid. But still, sewing????? It all stems from talking about and thinking about my inner monster. I tried to go to the store and buy something that worked for me, but nothing was right -- they were all too cute or associated with a specific character with traits of it's own. Or even if they weren't cute, they just weren't hideous enough. I tried to write about my monster, but there are some things that defy language. I tried to draw it, but it was too flat. So, me, I had to decide to sew it. And yes, I have created a truly hideous monstrosity, but I like it.
It has been an exercise in creativity and play. Well, the actual sewing has been pretty damn laborious, but the process of deciding how it should look, selecting the fabrics (I can't believe how many truly ugly fabrics you can buy!), what traits my monster has, how to portray a sense of sharpness with fabric - these are all interesting challenges. Several of the books on creativity I've been reading lately also talk about how bursts of creativity can come from routine, autopilot sorts of activities - driving, cooking, sewing, knitting, bathing, exercising. There's some evidence that you can trick your brain by routinely engaging in these kinds of activities to spur on the creative process. Particularly with activities that are sensory and tactile -- some sort of left brain/right brain thing -- you suddenly find yourself with a great story idea or some solution to that work problem you've been facing.
At any rate, I'm not laughing at my monster -- to me it's a very serious thing -- but still, it was fun and playful and creative to make it. It's not completely done yet.... It needs two more tails that look like scorpion stingers and an eye in back so it can see in all directions. But it's close enough. I have all sorts of complicated psychological reasons for wanting you to see it, I'm sure, but mostly I'm just proud I made it, which does make me giggle a little at the silliness of spending several days making a stuffed creature for myself as an adult. I guess I'm hoping that someday I'll be able to laugh at it.
You'll just have to trust me that even a photograph does not do justice to its repulsiveness - too many of the details don't show up properly. My nephews think it's FANTASTIC! I'm thinking of taking pictures of it all over town and making an alphabet book out of it.....
My monster plays with a Boat.
My monster does not eat the Cat.
PS - Start thinking about your next Halloween costume! I have just enough fabric left, I think, to make a truly awful cape or maybe a hat. A set of wings? I think I can say with all confidence that no one else will be wearing anything like it. The bad news is that something in the furry fabric makes me itchy and my eyes swell up. I'm allergic to my monster. My monster is toxic. Ha Ha.
2 comments:
Your monster is most excellent. Mmmmmwwwwaaaaaaa.... very scary.
BTW, you were certainly having fun and laughing at Sulli's birthday party, dancing like Elaine (only much better and cuter) and your penguin was one of the BEST. Your picture of Mater was very wonderful. And you are actually quite a silly person sometimes. I can think of several instances of pure childishness... building an obstacle course in the backyard this summer, laying on your back flying the kids around on your feet in the air...for example. You are very cute and silly and funny. LAUGH BECAUSE YOU CAN.
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