Just now - and by that I mean just 15 minutes ago - I was driving home from my walk and there was some construction that forced me to take a detour. Hurray for me, as I discovered not two blocks from my apartment this treasure:I'm dying to know what goes on in a Chinese sports bar!
Heated Mah Jongg matches?
Large gatherings for the annual World Ping Pong Tournament?
Is it the not-so-secret headquarters for the Burien arm of the Chinese mafia?
If you were, say, Korean, would they let you in?
I'm so curious, I want to sit in my car late one night and stake the place out just to see who goes in there. Or I want to post an ad on Craigslist for a Chinese guy to take me there on a date.
Or is it just a regular sports bar with Chinese food? Is there are large market in Burien of people who just can't get enough beer, basketball, and sweet & sour pork? Enough to support a whole sports bar? Did they run out of money and couldn't afford to put "Food" in the subtitle?
You can't really see it from the picture, but on the window there's a large arrow pointing to the side that says "Beer Garden" which cracks me up because China is famous for its Beer Gardens.
Is the owner named "WAH Long"? If so, why is the "WAH" part all in caps? Does it mean something in Chinese, like "VERY Happy Sports Bar"? Because in English, of course, it sounds kind of sad, like the kind of place where there's bowling on TV in the background and Journey (Open Arms) playing on the jukebox and you can cry like a baby over your beer as long as you like. I'd like it very much if it did mean "VERY Happy Sports Bar" and even better if the owner's name was Mei Hat Phun. Of course, if it were named the "Mei Hat Phun Sports Bar" it would frequently be raided by the renowned Burien police force.
It's kind of kitty cornered across the street from "A New Beginning" which, from the gatherings in the parking lot, appears to be a place for Overweight, Blue Collar Bikers with Bad Skin in Recovery to hold 12-step meetings. When the 12-step meetings are over, maybe the Overweight, Blue Collar Bikers with Bad Skin go over to WAH Long Sports Bar to drink Chinese green tea (they really, really need the antioxidants, don't they?), play dominoes, listen to Journey, eat really greasy egg rolls, and cry like babies 'cause they can't drink a beer. Mei Hat Phun is really pissed 'cause they don't order any liquor so she's losing money. She says to them all the time, "Get out of here, you cheap big fat bikers with bad skin!" but she says it in Chinese, so they assume she is saying, "Welcome to my VERY happy sports bar, bikers in recovery. Please, drink more green tea."
The very existence of a
WAH Long Sports Bar
-- Chinese --
makes life worth living.
DISCLAIMER: No Chinese were offended by the making of this post. I emailed a draft to the Chinese Consulate in DC, the Seattle Chinese-American Friendship League, and to some random guy on Craigslist who looked kind of Chinese and asked if it was offensive in a racist kind of way. Only the random guy responded on behalf of all Chinese people. He didn't really say whether he thought this post is offensive, but asked for my bra size and whether I was opposed to a very specific and detailed sex act. But if it were offensive, they all surely would have responded and said so by now. So, I am entirely confident that this post is not offensive and that the Chinese have an excellent sense of humor.
5 comments:
I laughed out loud from beginning to end at this post. Very funny. Very wonderful.
I just read it again just for fun. And now I want to know if the Beer Garden is behind that scary chain link fence, and are there just a bunch of plastic chairs and old metal ashtrays set around a bunch of weeds, that they're calling a beer garden? Equally important, can you actually smoke and drink beer in an establishment in Burien??
Yes! In fact the Beer Garden is very scary and not very garden-y. Maybe they have some plants in the summer?
They have to allow smoking in the Beer Garden, don't you think, 'cause otherwise the Bikers in Recovery wouldn't go..... Bikers in Recovery, no matter what other additions they kick, never give up cigarettes!
Let's go this weekend and check the place out!
You know I have got to say that I love what you wrote. WAH Long is my neighborhood watering hole and you made me laugh really hard. However sometimes The Eagles are playing on the jukebox!
That was a great. As a regular patron of the famous WAH Long's Chinese, you bring up many great observations. Now that you have discovered the secrets to the place, I am afraid the Burien Chinese mafia will need to find ourselves a new meeting location to play our illicit high stakes mah jhong tournaments. Many we can move across the street to the Taste of Fiji. I have noticed that place has never been open for business. I have my suspicians of that place. Why is it never open? I know that the apartments next door is owned by the same person, and I have also began to notice that the top floor unit always seems to be empty as well. Is it because it is a secret undewrground rest stop of the Fijian's smuggling their way into Canada? Or is it an arm of the Fijian mafia staging ground ready to strike on the Burien chinese mafia headquarters.
Post a Comment